Happy Birthday Frida!

Frida, thank you... Muchisimas gracias for all the inspiration, for paving the way for women everywhere. For not fearing the sound of your voice or the strength of your art and words. the obstacles in your life never stood a chance - you tore them down with your will to live and dream, with your art and perserverance of love (even when it was ugly & hurtful), with your unwillingness to back down, by celebrating your roots and unique femininity. You weren't scared to be a woman, you never feared painting your own reality, or of being the only Frida that there has ever been or ever will be. You are the epitome of individuality... You are a warrior... And I am so privileged to have had you as a predecessor... To be your disciple in some small way.

Dreams... revisited

I added this one and then I removed it and now I'm adding it again... This time it will stay here no matter what. Even though this dream was incredibly vivid some time ago and it was a reminder of a moment that was simultaneously wonderful and hurtful, I've managed somehow to get past some major hurdles and I'm not quite so mired in the past as I was just a few weeks ago. Slowly but surely I'm moving forward - dang that feels good! These words written a while back may recall a moment that has long passed but they are my truth, my struggle, my history and so I post them up not as a way to hold on to the past but as a snapshot of where I once was - letting all of that anger, sorrow, misery, hurt, humilation, pain stop festering from the inside... Letting out all of that toxicity so that I can make room for my own peace of mind and happiness.


Last night I dreamt about you
Last night I relived moments long gone
I saw you so clearly
You hovered over me while I lay there, entrapped by your arms
I could see the sweat roll down your face as we moved in unison
I could feel the heat from our bodies envelop me
While the scent of sex and heat and sweat perfumed the air
I felt your hands on my skin and your lips on my breasts
I felt you deep inside me
I could still see the reverent look in your eyes
And I remember how good, how right it felt to be joined with you in this embrace
And I wanted it to go on forever 'cause I didn't want to ever be apart from you
My body recognized it's missing piece
My heart beat a joyful song
And my soul was at peace
Then I remembered that this was only a dream... A dream of a sad distant past
A moment long forgotten only to be remembered while in deep slumber...
A moment that I think I must have imagined because in that brief moment I was sure that you loved me but now I know that the only love that ever existed between us was the love in my heart for you
I've woken from this dream feeling sad and bereft... Filled with longing for you
I remember now, how I threw out the bed sheets we layed on
I remember that I haven't listened to the same songs that played softly in the background that night
I remember how I did all in my power to banish your presence from my bedroom
And ultimately from my mind
Years later and it all comes rushing back... Crystal clear images of a night best left forgotten
And now I find myself in the throes of sorrow, feeling as (bereft) and unloved just as I did so many days, weeks and months earlier in the aftermath of our one night together that ended up ripping us apart